The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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