What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
