Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
