This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
