i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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