the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
