So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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