we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
