Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize