someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
