the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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