Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
