She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
