i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
