Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
