go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
