Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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