im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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