$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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