Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
