if you like me you must not know who I am
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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