Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
