dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
