God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
