We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
