Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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