Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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