Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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