i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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