Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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