No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
