i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize