My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
