Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
