dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His nipple licking is glorious
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