And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
