this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
