ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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