Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
