then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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