some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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