No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize