sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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