20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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