does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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