i think my tv is drunk
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All the doctor said was why
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
