I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize