Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize