1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
