I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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