i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Two words: nipple clamps
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