FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
