after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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