READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
