how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
