yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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