Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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