i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize