i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
