Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I died a long time ago.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
