I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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