he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
