Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
