Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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