how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
