Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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