Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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