Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize