He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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