We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My pussy is not your playground.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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