K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
