I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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