His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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