Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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