just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
