I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
